


I Shouldn't Love Him

by orphan_account



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M, Gen, loa - Freeform, olicity - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-22
Updated: 2014-11-22
Packaged: 2018-02-26 13:46:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2654216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray confronts Felicity about her feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Shouldn't Love Him

Felicity stared a long moment at the hologram in front of her, walking up to it slowly. She stuck a hand through it, watching the light flood over her hand a moment before pulling back, meeting Ray’s gaze.

"It’s a diagram… of a costume?" Felicity asked curiously. Ray pressed a few buttons on his laptop and the hologram brightened, colors highlighting the features—becoming so clear it was as if Felicity could reach out and grab it.

"No. It’s a suit," Ray corrected, waiting a moment. Felicity’s eyes widened in shock as she stared at the tight suit, and emblem splayed across the center. It reminded her of Barry’s, she realized.

"When you said you wanted to make the city a better place, you didn’t just mean Palmer Industries, did you?" Felicity said staring at him in awe.

"This city needs saving of all kinds," Ray smiled at her, "It’s all part of the plan."

Felicity let out a humorless laugh.

"Wow, I really do have a type,” Felicity muttered to herself. Ray raised his eyebrows, but said nothing a long moment, studying her.

"There’s a reason I didn’t want this," He gestured between them, "To move past platonic. I came to Starling for a reason—it was all part of a plan. It’s not safe to pull people into that," Ray said, and Felicity’s face fell a bit at the mantra that seemed to keep coming back at her.

"But we did move past platonic,” Felicity noted, staring up at him. He was pushing her away. It’s what people seemed to do these days—they never realized that it was the distance that hurt more than anything else.

"I know," Ray persisted, noting the dejected look on Felicity’s face, "I didn’t plan to meet somebody like you, Felicity."

Ray smiled at her, taking a step closer and taking a hand in his.

"I didn’t plan on falling for you. I didn’t plan on any of this," Ray squeezed her hand gently, a sad look ghosting his features.

"I definitely didn’t plan on falling for somebody…" He paused, as though considering his words. Considering stopping there. Considering saving them both the hurt.

"That’s already in love with somebody else," Ray said, and Felicity froze They stood a long second as Ray waited for Felicity to tell him he was wrong—tell him all the signs he had seen were just his imagination. 

Felicity tore her gaze from his, staring down at their hands.

"Oliver chose to be apart—he decided we were better off not together," Felicity said miserably. She willed herself to reassure Ray—deny his accusations. But voicing it out loud was too permanent. It hurt too much.

Because if Felicity just moved on—just acted like it didn’t still hurt. Acted like there wasn’t that constant ache inside of her, it was easy to pretend that she was over it. That the feelings were gone. But saying it out loud—

It was one thing to lie to herself. It was another to lie to the world.

"I don’t—" Felicity started, her eyes brimming with frustrated tears. She let out a humorless laugh, "I can’t love him."

As Ray gazed at her, the humor in his eyes for once extinguished and Felicity’s heart ached. She wanted to love Ray. If she was the same Felicity Smoak she was three years ago, she would have been head over heels for Ray. But she had been through a lot the past couple years.

"But you do," Ray said, and Felicity shook her head, sighing.

"It doesn’t change anything," Felicity said resolutely, turning her gaze from him.

"Yes, it does. Get him back," Ray said simply, and Felicity shook her head.

"It’s not that easy," Felicity protested.

"The best things in life usually aren’t," Ray mused, "But it’s the fight for them that makes it worth it."

Ray came over to her, kissing her softly on the forehead. He hesitated a small moment with her lips on her before pulling back and walking towards the door.

Felicity sat on the small couch. Staring off into the large window looking over the city.

"Ray," She called, and he halted his exit, turning slightly towards her.

"I’m sorry," She said, giving him a sad smile and he grinned at her.

"I’m not," He said, about to walk to leave again before he hesitated.

"You’re smart, Felicity," Ray said, "You’ll figure this out. You always do. And if you ever need my help…"

He gazed towards the forgotten hologram, then back at Felicity.

"Well, you know where to find me."

Felicity wasn’t ready to give up. She wasn’t going to lose anybody else in her life—she didn’t deserve to lose anyone else.

Felicity Smoak had changed once again. In college, she had been a sort of “hacktivist,” fighting with the people. With Oliver she had been fighting for the people. And now—for the first time, she was fighting for herself.

Because Felicity had realized she was stronger than she ever knew.—she had become, in the past couple months, a more complete version of herself. She knew what she wanted. She knew what she deserved. For once in her life, she was going to be selfish—and she was only missing one thing.

Oliver Queen.

***

Felicity bounded into the foundry, determined. A smile lifted her lips as a lightness filled her chest. 

She loved Oliver Queen. She loved Oliver Queen, and she was going to fight to get him back. Damn his stubborn resistance—his insistence that she was safer without him. That a life, a real life, was something he couldn’t have.

"John, where’s Oliver?" Felicity asked breathlessly, approaching Roy and Digg at the center table. Her smile dimmed just a hair as they stared bleakly at her, "I need to talk to him."

"Felicity…" Roy directed her attention to him before his words fell flat on his tongue. Felicity’s brow furrowed as she came down from her elation, a panicked feeling settling in her gut.

"Where. Is. Oliver?" She asked, her voice hitting a manic pitch. 

"Felicity, he took Ra’s offer," Digg said slowly, "We couldn’t convince him not to."

Felicity stayed frozen a long moment, her heartbeat filling her ears; her breathing picking up in speed.

"No, he wouldn’t do that…" Felicity protested, shaking her head furiously. She walked over to the computer grabbing the comm off the desk and putting it on.

"Felicity, he’s not answering any of us," Roy protested, but John held him back from taking it from her, shaking his head.

"Felicity, I’m so sorry," Digg said, sadly, but Felicity spoke over him.

"He wouldn’t leave," Felicity said, switching the comm on. She scrolled through her computer, desperately searching for Oliver when a breathing filled her ear.

"Oliver?" She yelled in relief, tears threatening her eyes, "Please come back—"

The comms turned off a moment, static filled her ears, and Felicity frantically searched for an access point, sobs threatening her throat.

"Please," she begged into the comms, as breathing filled her ears again.

"Felicity," she heard Oliver breath her name in relief, and she could hear the smile on his lips.

"I swear to God Oliver if you don’t come—" Felicity started, her throat tight.

"I have to go," Oliver said, and Felicity smacked the keyboard in front of her, her frustration peaking as she searched for street camera. Building camera. Anything.

"I love you, Felicity," He said softly, before an abrupt smashing noise startled her, and everything went silent.

"No!" Felicity yelled, "Oliver! Oliver? Can you hear me? Come home," She begged, unabashed by the sobs that wracked her body, "I love you Oliver, come home.”

As her plea was met by ever growing static, she ripped the comm out of her ear, smashing it onto the table next to her. She lay her head down in her arms, crying into the keyboard underneath her.

A cold hand touched her shoulder and she jerked looking up into Digg’s eyes.

"I’m sorry," He apologized, a lost look in his eyes.

"I can’t lose him," Felicity said brokenly.

"None of us can," Roy said, his eyes dazed.

"We’ll get him back, Felicity," Digg assured her passionately, "We’ll bring him home."


End file.
